If you are overweight, it is very likely that you have accepted your condition. If you are broke, it is probably because you don't want to do what you have to do to survive. If you stay in a negative relationship - I bet it's because you've settled down for one or more reasons. If you are in a career or job that you hate - I bet it is because you are driven by fear and doubt and not by faith and/or trust. If your health is not ideal, I assume that there is some personal behavior that in some way contributes to your discomfort. If a department or section of your organization is not living up to your expectations, I assure you that it is because you tolerate this behavior, or perhaps even because your management style contributes to it. Life is a process, not an event. You are always moving forward or away from something and "this" is a neutral concept.
As the author of over 80 books (and some bestsellers), I assure you that at least one person who reads this document disagrees with one or all of the above statements and knows why? There may be many reasons, but the main ones are guilt, denial, arrogance, ignorance, victim's state of mind, or simply lack of contact with reality. Or because they don't want to look in the mirror and admit that if there is going to be a change in their lives, it will never happen until they feel responsible. If so far you don't agree with my facilities, why not write yourself an article explaining your point of view?
But let me get to my point of view before I lose you all.
We can blame life (others, parents, advertising, media, government, media, our gender, race, religion, age - I continue) for the circumstances of our lives - or - we can look in the mirror. And, these people - it's never or always easy, that's why so few people do it.
Blaming is stupid. Regret is stupid. Denial doesn't help. Shame doesn't make life better. I could go on with dozens of other emotions or words like these that describe negative feelings. And then there is joy, gratitude, responsibility, acceptance, compassion, and maturity, to share the other side of the matter. But I hope I have understood so far - that what we feel is not always an exact representation of what is happening, but simply our interpretation, explanation, or opinion of what is happening. And believe me, most people's interpretation is generally consistent with what is appropriate for them, and not always what makes more sense in terms of effectively dealing with a problem, circumstance, person, or challenge.
Thus, we always have two ways of seeing a life situation - the truth (reality) or our version of truth (reality). Curious - which of these two approaches do you think will help us most effectively deal with a problem or life situation? Come back to this question in a minute.
Here's a quick scenario that I once used to justify some personal circumstances that kept me locked up until I was ready to look in the mirror.
Many years ago, my parents did not want to pay for my college education. So I tried for three years to make progress on my own, but I couldn't do it. So I joined the air force and got three years of college credit and served for four years.
When I left the military, I spent too many years in emotional guilt mode for their lack of help, compassion, and what I perceived as being understandable. No, I repeat: I lost too many years spending this negative emotion in all areas of my life. Eventually, I managed to let it go, and as a result, many years later, I had many audiences around the world where everyone present was more educated than I was, and probably everyone was more intelligent than I was. Go figure!
Yes, I have many of these stories, as I'm sure you do too, but my question is simply this: do any of your stories prevent happiness, success, inner peace, etc.
Guilt, grief, anger, denial - all these and many other things prevent us from overcoming the problems that will haunt us for years if we leave them. They will keep us imprisoned, preventing inner peace, success in careers, or relationships. Don't believe me; some statistics that I believe are related, or at least in some way related, to this challenge;
- The divorce rate in the United States has been in the 45-55% range for years.
- The suicide rate in the United States - the average is 135 per day.
- The obesity rate in the United States - 39%.
- The effects of drug, alcohol, and cigarette addiction - in the United States, more than one million people die each year due to these three factors.
Do we need more? Because there are many that I could share - but I don't.
If you want a better life before you leave here, look in the mirror. Meet someone who needs to look in the mirror. Keep trying until you can have it too.